i am terrified my newborn girl will inherit my 22-year-long eating disorder
I was full of excitement and doubt about how much this little stranger poked my ribs liked.
But I was also deeply tortured. seated fear.
I\'m afraid my daughter will inherit my eating disorder for decades of my own
Fighting anorexia for a long time can ruin my child\'s life.
Of course, parents do not cause eating disorders.
Although they used to be the main targets of criticism, there is growing evidence that the real culprit is a change in neurological function, certain personality traits (
Including perfectionism, rigidity and tunnel
Hunger changes the brain.
Parents have been removed so much that the college of eating disorders has issued a position paper stating clearly that there is no evidence that certain parents\' attitudes or family patterns may be \"anorexia \".
But as a 22-year-old
A year\'s history of anorexia, I\'m sure, I often say, doing something that might have a negative impact on a child\'s diet, weight, and physical image.
This fear is not unfounded;
A recent study shows that young girls who have witnessed negative reviews of their mother\'s weight, body shape or diet are more likely to have lower physical self-esteem and show restrictive eating behavior.
In my own experience, I know that even informal parent reviews will be with us all our lives.
My parents supported me almost universally in my childhood and were positive, but there were times when they said or did something that made me destructive --
The gears were still running decades later.
Once, when I was 6 or 7 years old, I remember my dad helping me button my jeans --
My short and thick fingers are not smart enough.
He said, \"you are already very big in this respect.
\"Of course, he meant that it was a little old for my dad to buckle my pants.
However, I explained it to me that I was really too big and my stomach became so terrible that it could not be controlled by my L. E. I. ’s.
After years of treatment centers, hospitals, relapse and recovery, I am in a very stable place today.
Most people who know me may think that my relationship with food and my body is completely normal --
But this is largely because I can plan my days in a way that hides my chaotic behavior.
When she grew up, my child was with me almost every moment, seeing everything I did, hearing everything I said, and her little sponge --
The brain will absorb it all: she will see how I always don\'t eat breakfast, how I limit myself all day while looking forward to a big meal, how I stimulate and measure my meat with my fingers.
These are the things I never want my daughter to follow. So what can I —
And other parents struggling with food and physical problems
To prevent her from internalizing my unhealthy views?
According to experts, the first rule is very obvious and very difficult: in order for your child to establish a healthy relationship with food and their body, you need to establish a similar healthy relationship.
\"Children pay less attention to what you say than you do.
Even if you\'re trying to hide these behaviors, the kids are very insightful, \"said Dana Harron, a registered clinical psychologist and author of the upcoming book\" Love Someone with eating disorders.
\"Howard Fakas, a lecturer in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University\'s Fanberg School of Medicine, agrees.
\"We learned the diet well by observing others rather than reading books about diet,\" he said . \".
Children see and understand much more than we think, and these observations are very important.
This means that parents should avoid adopting a restrictive or critical attitude towards food and never label food as \"good\" or \"bad\", which \"will produce black\"and-
\"The way White thinks about food, which plays a big role in eating disorders,\" Farkas said . \".
It also chagrin those of us who are stubborn and deeply struggling --
Deep-rooted diseases mean not only talking about food in a positive way, but also eating food freely.
This is particularly important because children imitate parents\' behavior towards food, and diet is one of the main risk factors for eating disorders (
Maybe it\'s half the physiological effect.
Hunger can cause eating disorders in the brain).
In other words, I can\'t tell my little girl that choosing French fries is as effective as choosing a salad;
I need some more French fries.
Again, it is important to make food a food, never use it as a reward or punishment, or position it as something to \"earn.
\"As someone who won\'t let himself eat until I check my X-items --
Do the list or do the movement of the Y amount, this shift in mind-
Set is a difficult task for me;
But as Harron said, what I need to convey is, \"eating is not for good or bad, but to provide your body with the fuel it needs as happily as possible.
\"It\'s also vital to have your child in charge and never judge or try to control what they eat.
Farkas explained that in the first few years, the children ate by intuition, but \"the self
Doubt begins by confusing eating rules.
\"Don\'t spoil your appetite\" may be interpreted as \"don\'t eat when you\'re hungry \".
\"These rules tell children to ignore their intuition,\" he said . \"
Clinical and sports psychologist and co-author Ariane machin
The founder of the conscious coaching collective witnessed firsthand the destructive nature of adult attempts to micro-manage a child\'s diet: \"I work with a girl who remembers her mom telling her not to take a second cake, and treat it as when her mom called her fat.
She said adults often make comments that seem to be kind to them, but that\'s important in the minds of vulnerable children.
A better way is to encourage your children to believe in their own hunger signals and create opportunities to try a variety of foods without putting any pressure on them.
For machin\'s own children, she granted \"permission for the pantry\", which means that her children can have dessert before dinner and snacks when they are hungry.
She found that this led to their self.
Regulate their intake compared to restrictive methods (
No snacks before dinner! No sweets! )
Can create \"Carnival monsters.
\"Of course, food is not the only albatross in terms of eating disorders: and the body.
It seems obvious that parents should not comment on the shape or size of the child, but it is worth mentioning.
\"Critical opinions about body size or weight, and even health --
Deliberately praise and create yourself
\"About the consciousness of the good and the bad of the body,\" Fakas said . \".
Parents also need to observe how they talk about others and their bodies.
People with eating disorders are often bothered by their own physical abnormalities so much that they do not notice their casual comments about their shape and size.
But the children noticed that these comments gave them two destructive lessons that were hard to forget: the body\'s most important thing is its appearance, and there is an ideal body shape that we should work on.
Parents can offset this by highlighting what the body can do, and the normalization that we all have in different shapes and sizes.
Or, better yet, shift your attention completely from the flesh, praising the kindness or humor of the children, their excellent painting skills, their powerful obstacles --
All of these suggestions are helpful, if it is impossible for me to abstract at this point, just like the unintelligible instructions that came with our sw swaddle box. To be a first-
Parents\' time is to walk into the maze with blindfolded eyes, you have to pass through the feeling, there are unknown obstacles around the invisible corner. My anorexia —
Although I have known so intimately for so many years
Is one of these unknowns, manifested in a way that I can\'t see at all, because I\'m too close: when I push \"dangerous\" food to the other side of the table, I don\'t notice, how do I check the calorie count for every food I come across.
But when I think about my daughter coming, I squinted and tried to see the outline of the disease, and I needed to beat my opponent in order to identify the opponent and to protect my baby girl.
Just as I believe I will figure out how to use these sw swaddles, I have to believe I will figure this out.